Things not to do at Hogwarts14 by NowhereKid68, literature
Literature
Things not to do at Hogwarts14
Section Fourteen Unclassified
655. Getting my little brother to record his latest thrash masterpiece on a Howler so I can listen to it is a good idea in theory, but not in actuality
656. I do not have a Pikachu Patronus, no matter how kickass that would be.
657. There are spoons. I will not destroy, transfigure, disappear or rename the cutlery so that there are no spoons.
658. I am not a Pinball Wizard.
659. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.
660. I will not lick Trevor.
661. My name is not Valentine Michael Smith, even if I can make my clothes disappear.
662. The
Things not to do at Hogwarts11 by NowhereKid68, literature
Literature
Things not to do at Hogwarts11
Section Eleven Sex
603. The Restricted Section is not were they keep the books on bondage.
604. I will stop insisting that witchcraft is just a metaphor for lesbian sex.
605. I will in fact stop trying to drag the Hogwarts girls into my sick anime based fantasies altogether. Even the one with the tentacles.
606. While I am allowed to start clubs, I am not allowed to offer people cash to model nude for my art club. Not even if they are quite fit from all that Quidditch.
607. "Witches Gone Wild!" is not appropriate material to have at a school.
608. The Head Girl and Head Boy do not perform sexual favors.
609. I will not offer to
Things not to do at Hogwarts 9 by NowhereKid68, literature
Literature
Things not to do at Hogwarts 9
Section Nine Harry Potter, The Weasleys, The Malfoys, and Hermione
500. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy. Or any other Slytherin.
501. Substituting Immac for Slixslelox in Draco Malfoy's shampoo container is a childish and irresponsible act
502. I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley.
503. A good way to piss Hermione off: Write "Hermione Granger was here" on multiple library books, thereby banning her from the library.
504. I will not reset Hermione's Time Turner to Daylight Savings Time.
505. Draco Malfoy no longer requires a nanny, nor does he need tucking in and "a bit of a
Things not aloud at Hogwarts 5 by NowhereKid68, literature
Literature
Things not aloud at Hogwarts 5
Section Five Voldemort, The Dementors, and the Death Eaters
318. I must not spread rumours that Lucius Malfoy is, was, or ever will be known in Death Eater circles as "Dobby's bitch."
319. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout, "There can be only ONE!"
320. I will not refer to any Death Eaters as "Trixie." Even if it is a legitimate nickname.
321. Pinning Confederate flags to the backs of Death Eater masks is not wise.
322. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from "Phantom of the Opera."
323. I wil
Things not aloud at Hogwarts 4 by NowhereKid68, literature
Literature
Things not aloud at Hogwarts 4
Section Four Defense Against the Dark Arts
307. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is not a part of the DADA syllabus. Neither is "Bram Stoker's Dracula". You cannot get class credit for watching either of them.
308. I will not take out a life insurance policy on any Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
309. Every time I see a dementor, I will not go, "Ssssssssshire...Bagginsssss". Or "The Shire/Frodo is That Way!" Every time I see Dobby I will not say something about 'master' or 'Precioussssss'. Every time I see Dumbledore, I will not say, "You will not pass!"
310. I will not call the Defense Against Dark Arts teacher Kenny, ev
Things not to do at Hogwarts 1 by NowhereKid68, literature
Literature
Things not to do at Hogwarts 1
771 Things I am not aloud to do at Hogwarts
Section One Professors, Authorities Figures, and Classes
1. The average landspeed of an unladen swallow is not relevent to my Arithmancy assignment.
2. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums". Neither does he respond favourably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".
3. I am not authorised to sell nude picture of the faculty to students. Giving the same nude pictures out free of charge is also frowned upon.
4. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.
5. I am not to leave my mobile phone on Loud during cla
Things not to do at Hogwarts 2 by NowhereKid68, literature
Literature
Things not to do at Hogwarts 2
Section Two Magick Creatures, The Forbidden Forest, and Hagrid
235. Hagrid does not have sex with magical creatures, I should stop implying that he does.
236. The Giant Squid has never made an appearance in any hentai film.
237. My conversations with Hagrid are never to include the phrase "Hey Hagrid, wouldn't it be cool if you crossbred a ... with a ..."
238. I will not make a Golem, even if I am Jewish and the directions are in the library.
239. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
240. The ducks are not my minions, no matter how much bread I feed them. Same goes for the squirrels
241. I cannot insist that a dead parrot is m
Things not to do at Hogwarts 3 by NowhereKid68, literature
Literature
Things not to do at Hogwarts 3
Section Three Ghosts, Paintings, and House Elves
281. Naughty jokes regarding "Moaning" Myrtle are only funny the first time.
282. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".
283. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
284. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
285. House Elf stew is not on the Hogwarts menu, neither is Niffler Curry, so I should stop asking.
286. The house elves are not there to do my homework. Neither are the ghosts.
287. I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'.
288. I am not to tell Sir Cadogan that